September

nos·tal·gia [no-stal-juh, -jee-uh, nuh-]
–noun

1. a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days.

2. something that elicits or displays nostalgia.

-------------0000000000------------------

How do you define compatibility? Is there a parameter that measures how long you two will stay or is there a moral judgement that tells you to whom you should just live with?

How do we define morality? Is it the difference between the good thing and the bad or what people actually think about your actions? Is it the definition that judge your actions or the cultural and behavioral mindsets that tells you what is good or bad?

I really have so many questions that I think I would forever ask in my life. I'm so bored right now. My past days have really been boring.

Ready

friv·o·lous [friv-uh-luhs]
–adjective

1. characterized by lack of seriousness or sense: frivolous conduct.

2. self-indulgently carefree; unconcerned about or lacking any serious purpose.

3. (of a person) given to trifling or undue levity: a frivolous, empty-headed person.

4. of little or no weight, worth, or importance; not worthy of serious notice: a frivolous suggestion.

-----------0000000000---------------


There are just some things that you would love seeing everyday to happen but you just can't believe that it's really happening.

It's really hard to trust most of the times especially to yourself. There is one thing I hate about myself and that is being skeptical to things happening around me. The good thing is that I am a good player. Sometimes, in order for me not to get hurt by the different phenomenas I've engaged into, there is already a mindset before I started doing things so that in the latter part, if things get worse or if I failed, less thinking would mean less senses.

Why am I trying to share this thoughts? I really don't know. It's just that I know for sure that one day I could get into another trouble that if I will not prepare, I'd be the loser into what I call my game so right now, I'm trying to prepare my game plan already. I know it's okay to lose but who wants to be loser all the time?

Verses

dis·dain /dɪsˈdeɪn, dɪˈsteɪn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[dis-deyn, di-steyn]
–verb (used with object)

1.	to look upon or treat with contempt; despise; scorn.

–noun

3.	a feeling of contempt for anything regarded as unworthy; haughty contempt; scorn.

------------000000000000----------------

This has been one of the saddest day of my life and surely one of the most unluckiest day I've ever had. I don't know but everything is just going wrong today. I haven't yet seen something good happen to me today but well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that somehow I would get good results later.

OT: I have watched clips on www.youtube.com about the Concert for Diana. It is a tribute for the should be 46th birthday of the Princess of Wales and I admit that even I'm not a Brit, I really cried when Elton John sung "Your Song" at the opening of the concert. It was really a wonderful song, love song maybe, but could be well appreciated in any occasion as a tribute for someone very special-like Diana. People wanted Sir Elton John to sing his famous' Candle in the Wind but the music icon refused.

I'm really melodramatic today and I hope that someone could cheer me up.

Subtleties

stran·gle [strang-guhl]
–verb (used with object)

1. to kill by squeezing the throat in order to compress the windpipe and prevent the intake of air, as with the hands or a tightly drawn cord.

2. to kill by stopping the breath in any manner; choke; stifle; suffocate.

3. to prevent the continuance, growth, rise, or action of; suppress: Censorship strangles a free press.

------------000000------------

I got the vocabulary word in a lyric of a song by the band All American Rejects. I don't want to divulge the title of the song as it may create questions if someone might ever read this post but if anyone of you find out the title, it simply describes what my mind is thinking right now. Actually, a friend referred to me that song and advised me to listen to it. It's actually a conviction of my life.

There are things in life that you would just want to forget but as you try, it simply keep on coming and coming back to your mind. But if there is one thing I'm trying to learn right now in my life, I think it is the fact that I'm accepting all the shortcomings I have and just being contented to what I have right now-if there is any.

I've been busy the past week contemplating and I have really been melodramatic but I've figured out that after all those hard times I have experienced, I'm now beginning to experience justine...oppps... its justice.

As I've stated earlier, the past weeks have really been bad for me but somehow it started RAINing again. But this time, I'm really keeping it to myself and to that only person who would have the courage to find this blog.

You may notice that this is my first post to have a picture above. Yes, the picture may be unclear for now because it simply describes my mind right now. It simply characterized my self- blurred,unclear. But it shows a pool of people to where my perspective about my life is.

Am I looking for someone who would try to understand the real me? Or am I just being complacent about everything that is why the things I hold so tight before are the things I'm losing grip right now?

Jigsaw

truce [troos]
–noun

1. a suspension of hostilities for a specified period of time by mutual agreement of the warring parties; cease-fire; armistice.

2. an agreement or treaty establishing this.

3. a temporary respite, as from trouble or pain.

-------------0000000--------------

I've noticed I haven't blogged for the past 3 days because I've been busy dreaming what to do with my life in the future. The future I think is now or if not now, maybe in this so-so near tomorrow.

The reason why I really created this blog is because I'm preparing for my "Second Coming". It may sound like a "commercial line" but yeap, its true. I'm getting ready for what I call is the second chapter of my first life. It's like Kobe Bryant changing his jersey number last season from number 8 to number 24.

I really wanted this blog to have a simple melodic theme but I'm changing my mind that this would now be a freehand blog. I'll say what I would want to express and that nobody would care. I've figured to let it happen because of what I've seen in my life for the past weeks especially the my last 4 days, life has been really quite unfair with me.

I'm really so sleepy this past days especially at class but maybe its because of my new "self-time zone" I'm experiencing but hopefully, I could regain what I've missed in my life this past days. Yeap, despite the fact that a lot of things happened to me this past week, I've felt that it has been really a fast pace week for me. Look, my routine is to sleep at 6 am and wake up at around 12 in the afternoon. I will eat and fact the PC from 12-3 pm and then sleep or have rest at my room after that. I'll wake up at around 6 pm and eat dinner and wait for the next hours watching television until the time reaches 10pm and set myself for another emergency experiences at the hospital.

I'm declaring a war. I'm a declaring a war with myself. Yeap, it may sound very opposite to that word above but I'm really experiencing such troubles within me. I don't know when this "self war" would end but it has been a very sentimental personally I'm seeing right now withing me. I'm really on a tough battle with myself right now. Maybe I'm confused, but I'm also so much in deep pain this past days.

Well, this would be my finale for this blog entry. People, please pray for me to become calm this next days.

Unrest

e·mer·gen·cy [i-mur-juhn-see]

–noun

1.a sudden, urgent, usually unexpected occurrence or occasion requiring immediate action.

2.a state, esp. of need for help or relief, created by some unexpected event: a weather emergency; a financial emergency.

–adjective
3.granted, used, or for use in an emergency: an emergency leave; emergency lights.

------------0000------------

I haven't posted anything here for the past 3 days because I became busy of my clinical duty. Yes, I'm a nurse and the word above just fits my job for and and hopefully for the future. Anyways, we were assigned at Ospital ng Maynila Medical Center for our first clinical duty just after having our Capping and Pinning Ceremonies. My duty is at the emergency room that starts from 11:00 PM and will end at 6:00 am. God, what can you expect from that time in a hospital controlled by the local government which offers almost free hospitalization and health care services for their constituents. Well, if not free, at least minimal expenses will be paid but that is really haven for the poor who needs the best care in town.

Most of the patients are the indigent constituents of the City of Manila. People who can't afford admitting themselves into a private hospital at times wherein most emergency cases could happen. You will see there people who'd came in bloody because of what we call "the Filipino late night attitude".

When I say "The Filipino late night attitude", it's the kind of miracles, I mean annoying and disgusting things the culture taught them to do when drunk or when their manhood is being depreciated by their fellows drinking buddies. Exemption to this rule are the people who try to meddle in a melee but ends up as the bloody victim after the fight.

But the most annoying of all the experiences are the real victims or those we call "napagtripan". It's really not funny thinking of these facts. I kept thinking how the hell could they do all this things despite having the same status in life (poor;indigent)? This is a question that is really for the ages.

Is this the effect of culture to all of us? Is this the kind of mentality we want the next generations to inherit? Come on, think of it again.

Chapter I

fal·li·ble [fal-uh-buhl]
–adjective

1.(of persons) liable to err, esp. in being deceived or mistaken.

2.liable to be erroneous or false; not accurate: fallible information.

--------------------0000--------------

Let me start this whole writing thing by saying sorry to all those people whom I have hurt from the day I was born up to this moment I am writing this entry. To my friends who maybe think I was too insensitive of their feelings, I ask for your forgiveness. To my parents whom I disappointed for many times already in my life, let me ask for another chance. Lastly, to all my lady friends who have been significant to my life way back childhood up to this day who think of me as someone beyond my real limit, whom I committed so much dishonesty and lying, I may not be able to personally ask forgiveness from you but let me say thank you that you all have molded me in what I am right now.

They say that every human is fallible. Most of the time, being fallible has been the most used defensive excuse by people who keeps on making the same mistakes again in their life. I am fallible. I keep doing the same things I should not suppose to do and it really makes my life a bit complicated at times. The most important thing about being fallible in humans is that his or her openness to change. The same as I do every time I've done something wrong, every mistakes I commit or have committed translates into change the way I want myself to adapt in a certain situation.

One common misconception they say is that "they fight for what they believe is right". For me, its not fighting for what I believe is right but fighting for what I believe to be much acceptable to those people around. Let us not excuse ourselves of being blinded every time by our own pride rather, let us be humble and be open for any changes we know would be good for us and would be good to the sensitivity of people around us.

The most important thing in the word fallible is that after all mistakes we've done, there is always that very important and/or significant learnings we knew would be helpful in our everyday adjustments in life.

We just need acceptance that we may not be able to be too much of a disastrous instrument that people might begin to hate us. Let us be a somebody willing to be of an epitome of goodness and change.